On the learned helplessness of being a woman
I have been thinking a lot about what I wrote in my last post. While the grief of changed/lost friendships doesn’t keep me up at night anymore (there are only so many tears you can cry), I have been wondering WHY grown ass, amazing, strong women do this. Why do they not only put a guy at the centre of their universe, but why do they put him on a pedestal and themselves underneath? Maybe this is so strangely fascinating to me because I have watched (and was disgusted by) the way my ultra feminist mother would change her tone from an assertive baritone to a Minni Mouse-ish whisper as soon as a guy would enter our world.
Babe, it’s not me – it’s you!
So, one of my besties just left (come back, A, I miss you!!), and after not seeing each other for more than three years, all we did was talk, walk, talk, eat, talk, sleep, repeat. For seven days. And it was blissful. A and I have known each other for a very long time, she’s been witness to many embarrassing, hilarious, traumatic, sad, and deliriously happy moments – and vice versa.
There’s a lot to be said about girlfriends – but I will leave that for another post. For now, let’s talk about sex. Bad sex.
Spoiler: It’s not ageing!
I have no idea how a 25yo feels scrolling through Hinge, because when I was 25, online dating wasn’t around. Yes, I am that old. I just know that I find it varying levels of disheartening, gross and frustrating.
How is it possible that so many men in the second half of their forties have never had a significant relationship? How did they never get married? Or have children? How are there so many men past their midlife crisis who live in dingy apartments that remind me of my uni days?
Snot, blood, and tears
This is the post that I most likely shouldn’t be writing right now (see list of beverages consumed above), but for the sake of keeping it real, I am doing it anyway. My date left a day earlier than planned, all my friends are busy, and I really need to process the last weekend.
Sooo. After I turned my back on the disaster otherwise known as online dating, I met someone. Offline. Through a friend. IRL!
The good, the bad, and the abysmal
Good Lord. I am really not carved out for online dating. Scrolling through Hinge makes me physically sick on a bad day and has me laughing out loud on a good one. How hard can it be to answer a simple prompt in a grammatically and logically correct manner?! Here are some gems to lighten up a grey November day:
How it started – how it’s going
There are clearly pros of going down the alternative road when separating, however, it’s not for the faint hearted or the emotionally avoidant. Conscious uncoupling will, if you stick to it, leave large parts of family life and the previous relationship intact. But it will also mean that you will have to face old issues (and resolve them!), if you want a new, healthier relationship to emerge.
That’s it. I am taking a dating break.
What’s happened? Nothing. Nothing noteworthy, earth shattering, or ground breaking.
oops, i did it again
Remember the awkward one, the one where one guy I was talking to – unknowingly – warned me about the guy I was supposed to meet the next day? Well, I did it again!
After a few weeks of self-imposed dating detox following another failure to launch (yes, there is a story waiting to be told), I decided to dip my toes into the murky waters of online dating. Again.
Another one bites the dust
It took me a couple of weeks to get over the shock of my very first failed online dating attempt, but onwards and upwards we go. For now, we are out of lockdown, I am fully vaccinated, and I am a little
horny lonely here in La La Land. And I am way too curious to let this whole dating thing go just because of a tiny setback.