Current Mood: Overwhelmed
During the last two years, I have seen my life turned inside out and upside down. I have adapted to situations that were previously nonexistent in my realm of possibilities. From natural catastrophes such as wildfires, earthquakes and house-eroding mudslides, to being faced with a real-life psychopath, almost losing a business and a substantial amount of money thanks to said psychopath, going through conscious uncoupling, attempting an open relationship and being hit by a pandemic, I really feel I have seen it all. (Yah, I know, I haven’t seen a civil war, but living in the U.S., I might just add ‘yet.’)
How to deal with uninvited readers
The father of my children thought it a good idea to share this so far secret blog with his friend (I know, WTF?!). You might wonder why he had the link in the first place. The answer is simple. Because this is how our communication works: it’s open.
Just like a wave
I am not sure where this sudden wave of sadness came from. It feels different to the sadness I felt over the last months. Different to the frustration and the anger that comes with a relationship that takes a different turn than what you had in mind for yourself and your family.
Lessons to learn from a lockdown
Well, this has all been interesting so far. We have (largely unscathed) completed week three of lockdown, and the district has just announced that schools won’t reopen before August. And, please, parents, don’t think that school is over – no, we require you to immerse yourselves into the glorious world of home schooling and distance learning, because while the whole world hits the pause button, we are putting a little extra work on your shoulders. WTF.
Or: I don’t care what other people say
It’s been one of those days. Days when you question yourself in your capability as a parent, when you doubt your own feelings and when fear threatens to take over everything you think or do.
letting go and Moving on
Where to begin? The events of the last couple of weeks and the emotions in their aftermath have been somewhat seismic, and it is only now that I feel I am starting to process it all.
Or: When shit hits the fan
This is really not the blog post I wanted to write. The one I wanted to write dealt with how well this new path is working out for the husfriend and me. It was about how I felt that after putting in the work for more than a year, that the universe finally had my back. And it had new boobs in it (yes, I did it, and yes, they look amazing).
Did you miss me? I have taken myself away on a far away island, digital detox included. And now I am sitting on a plane in the middle of the night, my stomach in knots and my head spinning with the lack of sleep and the amount and speed of thoughts rushing through my mind.
and why I am still trying
I understand why a lot of people are hesitant when it comes to therapy, especially couple’s therapy. I had friends giving it a go, only for the husband to unload ‘all the things I hate about you’ in the space of an hour to the understanding nods and a-ha’s of said therapist. The only thing my friend took away from the session was a vow to never go back.
Men can’t have it all either
This isn’t the first time that I am baking cupcakes in the middle of the night, wrap presents, blow up balloons and dash to the store to get a missing ingredient, leaving my sleeping children home alone. It isn’t the first time I am preparing my child’s birthday by myself, and yet here I am, sobbing into the cake batter and eating half of it raw.