Adventures in online dating VI

The good, the bad, and the abysmal

Good Lord. I am really not carved out for online dating. Scrolling through Hinge makes me physically sick on a bad day and has me laughing out loud on a good one. How hard can it be to answer a simple prompt in a grammatically and logically correct manner?! Here are some gems to lighten up a grey November day:

Which is more important to youMy family and friendsDude, you missed the point.
My simple pleasuresThe Beach. Football. Netflix. Traveling. Books. Good conversation. Intelligent conversation. Positive Energy. Working out. Cryptocurrency.In what world is cryptocurrency pleasure or simple?!
All I ask is that youBe yourself, love to laugh, love family and enjoy the simple things in life. (I’m 56, not 50)All I ask is that you set up a profile age that doesn’t make you show up in my feed.
I get along best with people whoAre open minded, optimistic, genuine, naturally talented, kind, compassionate, physically fit, playful, generous, affectionate, think outside the boxSetting the bar low.
I want someone whogoofy, witty, sarcastic,Smart and genuine Easy going down to earth AND Does not take life TOO seriously Enjoy the moment……..I want someone who loves punctuation as much as I do. AND random CAPS. I LOVE CAPS!!!!!!
What I order for the tableWater!Next!
I’ll fall for you ifIntellectual, healthy, down to earth, and peaceful.This is not a sentence, let alone an intellectual one.
Something that’s a non-negotiable for me isNo dramaAhahahaha. No pandemics, heartaches, or losses then?
My mantra isFlow, Frequency and Essence of Presence. DAILY Goals. Instinctive. Passionately Reasonable. Paver not follower. Earth’s religion: MUSIC. Listen moreSomething tells me you’d want me to listen to you rambling, to which I say: fuck no!
We’ll get along if youYou love sunsets and the beach.Thank you for being so specific.
All I ask is that youBe your authentic self. Not into heavy drinking, healthy mind and body.Yah, healthy mind and body aren’t my things either. The Oxford comma though…
My best friend and me*picture of him and his dog*Wow, you must have shit friends.
Work titleStalker at CatfishWhy doesn’t that peak my interest?
You should *not* go out with me ifYou’re a f*cking fan!Work title says actor, but I am pretty sure I’ve never seen that face before – I doubt anyone is a fan.
I’m overly competitive aboutEverythingRUN!
We’ll get along ifWe’ll get along if you are interesting eclectic and fun you love to travel and enjoy music and dancing and the outdoors. So basically everything but punctuation?
The way to win me overBe intelligent and chill:) Swipe left if you’re a BLM/Antifa supporter and hate law and order.There’s no ‘swipe left’ on Hinge, you effing moron!
If loving this is wrong, I don’t want to be rightDriving along side of the ocean.Driving along the ocean is never wrong, but you spoilt it for me.
Two truths and a lieI used to model with the Kardashians, had jury duty with one of The Doors, crashed a car into John DeLorean’s house.As long as you don’t name drop…

So in case you were wondering how my dating life was going – here’s your answer.

Leave a Comment

Required fields are marked *.