WHEN LOSING IS ACTUALLY WINNING

So. We tried Conscious Uncoupling. And we failed at it. We are back together.

Among all the things that didn’t work out in my life (and there were a few), this is by far my favourite.

Yes, we are back together, but by no means back to where we started. None of what is happening right now would have been possible without the time apart. Those two+ years of separation have been intense and filled with learning, insights, and the sort of clarity that doesn’t come easily outside of solitude.

It gave me the space and time to become much clearer about what I want, how I want to feel in a relationship, and what I can ask of my partner. There is so much to say about

• Responsibility
• Equality
• Time for the relationship
• Desire
• Money and independence
• What am I allowed to ask, what am I entitled to?
• Jealousy
• Sex

But before I dive deeper into any of the above topics, here is how it happened:

In the summer of 2023, both M and I were not dating anyone else. By chance (friends cancelled travel plans) we found ourselves alone in France while our children were visiting their grandparents in Germany. In the months prior to that, I had caught myself multiple times thinking I would totally date him, were we to meet without any baggage, children, visa or work complications.

So I asked him out. And he said yes.

We have now been together again for more than a year. We left California last summer and moved back to Europe. Our relationship has changed in many ways, but some things are harder to shake than others. He will never do the laundry as perfectly as I do, but then again I enjoy someone else helping me do the heavy lifting and build furniture when I just can’t be arsed.

There is so much to say about the last year and the two years before that, and I can’t wait to write and write and write again like no one is watching. I guess I needed this time “off” the blog to simmer gently in my own relationship sauce, without sharing it with the world.