letting go and Moving on

Where to begin? The events of the last couple of weeks and the emotions in their aftermath have been somewhat seismic, and it is only now that I feel I am starting to process it all. 

We have made a decision to leave the new business behind and move across the pond again this summer. It is still unclear if the husband (I tried to introduce the idea of husfriend. Let’s just say it wasn’t too well received.) will get his initial investment back or if this adventure will have cost us a substantial amount of money. That, and a hell of a lot of energy and enthusiasm. Moving into a community that had just lived through the most devastating fires, not finding a place to live, touring with two kids and just two suitcases from one crappy Airbnb to the next for four months and eventually ending up on a large scale building site has left its toll. I am tired. Our contractors are right now finishing up the new deck in the back garden. Only for the realtor to pop by on Tuesday to start the process of selling our house. 

I am really tired. But mostly I am disappointed and shocked. To be screwed over by someone you considered a friend is a bitter pill to swallow. 

I know I am going to be fine. I am strong. I have had worse. I can do this and so much more. 

A long time ago, I have chosen to be happy, no matter what. Because no matter what life throws at you, your reaction to it will always be your choice. And maybe even more importantly, the extent to which you allow the actions of others impact you will determine how you are feeling. I simply don’t allow this to affect me any more than strictly necessary. Of course, the heart needs to feel what it needs to feel. Having a good cry works wonders to release tension and help those very valid emotions pass through you rather than get stuck. The same goes for those angry painting sessions… 

At the end of the day, we are all sitting on a large dust ball, spinning in a vast universe, and we are all going to die. What might sound like a dire outlook on life gives me a great deal of comfort and perspective. 

For now, my energy needs to stay with me in the here and now. I don’t want to waste it on harbouring revenge plans, on feeling treated unfairly or even on planning the next big steps like new home, new job, new life. I am choosing to be in the here and now and I am choosing to be happy.