Why is this suddenly so good?

About sex in your 40s

Most of us grew up with the idea that sex is for the young. By the time we started our exploration into the world of sexual pleasure (and, depending how much you are into BDSM, also pain) our parent’s sexual expiry date surely had been reached a long time ago. Somehow, we have been given the idea that at some point, it just stops. You stop being fancied, you stop fancying your partner (or anyone, for that matter), and together with the loss of humidity in your soft tissue, your libido just dries up. 

Of course, porn has a lot to explain for today. With the exception of questionable concepts like MILF sex or ‘Grandpa on teenager’ fantasies (yuck!), its obsession with youth is prevalent. However, when I was young, porn didn’t really play a role in how we perceived sex. The only porn I watched as I teenager was on a Betamax cassette that my best friend had found in a box on the attic in her parents’ house. A 1970s creation with women rocking Charlie’s Angels hairdos and lots of iridescent blue eyeshadow, while the men sported mullets and Tom-Selleck-style moustaches. And not a single Brazilian in sight! The whole thing was way too much for our 1990s teenaged souls, and I remember laughing so hard until I cried. 

At 40+ years old, I am having better sex than I ever had. I am not getting nearly enough, but if I do, it’s outright amazing. Even masturbation has gotten better and better over the years. From a rather timid ‘oh, that’s nice’ some twenty years ago, I have gone to a full blown ‘OMG, YES!!!’ in my solo attempts to pleasure myself. I guess practice does make perfect after all. But what else does?

Knowing what you need and want and the confidence to say it. Happiness in your own skin. And, if you’ve got one, a partner you trust. 

Knowledge is key. You can’t have great sex if you don’t know yourself. And there is so much to know! No idea where to start? How about this? Or this?

As for toys, I LOVE Lelo. Smooth, discrete, and always getting me there. Don’t forget the lube! 

And in case you are lost for inspiration, these guys are a far cry from my first ABBA inspired porn experience.

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